


Quarantine My Heart

by pastawithjamsauce



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst and Fluff and Smut, COVID-19, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Coronavirus, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eventual Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Castiel/Dean Winchester, Parent Dean Winchester, Quarantine, Roommates, Single Parent Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, shelter in place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23550400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastawithjamsauce/pseuds/pastawithjamsauce
Summary: Dean Winchester lost his job due to the pandemic. He had no idea how he was going to survive. Then, to make things worse, he gets an unexpected phone call. Suddenly, he's not only out of work, he's also responsible for a ten month old baby.His son. A son he never knew existed.When Castiel offers to help him out with the baby, he can't say no, even if it means he'll end up stuck in quarantine with a baby and a man he’d been hopelessly and unrequitedly in love with for over a decade. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dorothy Baum/Charlie Bradbury, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 44
Kudos: 321





	1. Chapter 1

Things were getting dire. The shop was closed and he was laid off, supposedly temporarily, but who really knew. Who knew if the shop could even survive this much lost revenue. For the first time since he was a kid, he had no source of income. He didn’t have much hope of getting more either; it’s not like there was any place hiring people. He was supposed to just...stay at home.

But he was burning through his savings. He’d worked _so hard_ for _so long_ just to get to a point where he had a little extra saved for emergencies, and that was gone now. He didn’t even know if he could afford another semester of Sam’s tuition. 

There was a 90 day eviction moratorium, but what was going to happen after those 90 days? He wasn’t making any money to pay three months rent. He tried to file for unemployment, but the website said he was ineligible. Supposedly there was going to be a stimulus check and expanded unemployment protections, but he still had no idea how he was going to make it. This was going to ruin him. And he’d ruin things for Sam, too. Like fucking usual. 

And the isolation… It was driving him crazy. He really wished Sam had waited a little bit longer to move in with Jess. He was doing nearly daily Netflix parties and FaceTime chats with Cas, but he missed human contact. He felt so alone. He felt so jealous whenever he talked to Sam and Jess or Charlie and Dorothy. At least they had some company while they went through this. All he had was a laptop and a phone to connect him to other people, and he wasn’t even sure how long he’d be able to keep paying for his cable or cell phone plans. 

He was shaken out of his thoughts when he felt his phone buzz.

**[11:38 PM Yoga Instructor Lisa]: Are you Dean Winchester?**

Dean smirked. _Lisa._ He’d met her, like, a year and a half earlier. It was a one night stand that turned into a one weekend stand. It was the bendiest weekend of _his life._ They’d exchanged numbers, but… then neither of them called. 

Perhaps the isolation was getting to Lisa too. It would be _rude_ not to respond, and Dean could certainly use some fun that wasn’t just copious amounts of porn and his right hand. He wondered if she was drunk. Why else reach out so late?

**[11:45 PM Dean]: yeah it’s dean. how’s quarantine treating you, sexy?**

**[11:46 PM Yoga Instructor Lisa]: This isn’t Lisa. Can I call you?**

Dean sat up in his bed and squinted down at his phone.

**[11:47 PM Dean]: Who is this?**

His phone started ringing, and he answered it immediately. “Hello?”

“Hi, Dean. I’m sorry to call you so late. Do you remember the bar you met Lisa at?” the woman on the other end of the phone said in a weirdly frenzied voice.

“Um, vaguely?”

“I was the friend that was with her that night,” the woman replied.

“Uhh…” Dean racked his brain. “Amanda?”

“Angelina,” the woman answered shortly.

“Okay…”

“Look, there’s really no good way for me to say this, but… Dean, look, I’m not sure...Lisa passed away this afternoon,” she said.

Dean’s chest hammered. “ _What?_ ”

“You know she’s a nurse, right?” Angelina asked.

 _“No,_ ” Dean said in utter confusion. “I thought she was a yoga instructor? Look, I think you might have the wrong Dean. I barely knew Lisa.”

“No, that was just a side job and she took on more shifts as a nurse after -- um, anyway, you’re definitely the right Dean.” Angelina took a deep breath. “Look, after your uh, time together, Lisa… she...you...she got pregnant. She didn’t want to raise a kid with a one night stand, so…”

Dean felt his whole body shiver and the blood drain out of his face. _“What?”_

In a hurried voice, Angelina explained, “His name is Ben. She got worried about the possibility of infecting him, so she asked me to watch him until the crisis is over because she was working in the hospital, and she knew they didn’t even have enough protective equipment.”

Angelina’s voice started to waver, and Dean could hear small sobs after every few words she managed to get out. “She...she got sick. I don’t… They put her on a ventilator. I can’t...they wouldn’t even let me go see her. Couldn’t bring Ben to her. It’s not...they said it wasn’t safe. Then she… She didn’t make it, Dean.”

“But she was so… young,” Dean said weakly.

Angelina broke out into hysterical sobs, and Dean felt helpless. He sat there listening, unsure of what to say, what to do.

Eventually, she managed to push out, “Dean... you need to come get Ben.”

“Come… get Ben?” Dean asked.

“He’s your son, Dean,” she replied angrily.

“I don’t have a damn job anymore! How can I take care of a baby? A baby I didn’t even know _existed_ until right this moment!” Dean shouted back. 

“Dean, I am a _wreck._ I’m not taking care of myself right now, and I’m definitely _not_ in the right place to take care of a baby. He might be new, but he’s _your son_ ,” she said. “I can’t tell you how many times I begged Lisa to tell you, to try to get you involved in his life. Maybe she was right all along.”

“She wasn’t fucking right,” Dean seethed. “I had every right to know, but…”

Dean took a deep breath. “You’re right. This is...None of this is Ben’s fault. What’s...Tell me everything I need to know.”

For the next hour, Angelina and Dean talked through the details of Ben’s life together. Somehow, Dean had plans to drive to New Jersey the next morning. To pick up his long lost son. In the middle of a pandemic. When he had no fucking money.

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

He needed to talk to someone. 

Sam.

No, not Sam. He couldn’t admit this to Sam yet. 

Cas.

He dialed Cas’s number, and smiled when he heard the tired and confused, “Dean?” on the other end.

“Cas,” Dean breathed out.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked sleepily. “Why are you calling me at one in the morning?”

“Cas, I really fucked up,” Dean said.

Cas’s voice suddenly sounded much more alert as he said, “Dean, what happened?”

“You remember Lisa?” Dean asked.

“No?” 

“Yoga Lisa?” Dean asked again.

“Ah,” Cas said. “Yes. I recall.”

“Cas, she had my baby,” Dean confided. 

“ _What?_ ” Cas questioned.

“ _And_ she’s _dead,_ ” Dean added. “And now I need to drive to Jersey tomorrow to pick up an infant - and what am I going to do with a fucking baby, Cas? Even if I was responsible enough for a child normally - _which you know I am not_ \- I have no money! What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“Okay, okay, slow down, Dean,” Cas said. “Can you even be sure this child is yours? Or that she’s dead?”

“I talked to her friend,” Dean said. “She had Ben in May. I did the math. The timing lines up. She sent me pictures.”

Dean forwarded the two pictures of Ben Angelina had sent to him.

“He… he definitely looks like he could be yours,” Cas admitted. “You’re still going to get a paternity test, though.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Cas,” Dean continued. “I could ask Bobby for help, but he’s not financially stable at the best of times. With the salvage yard shut down… I don’t know what to do. And like fucking Hell would I ever ask _Sam_ for help--”

“Dean, you can stay with me,” Cas offered. “I’ll help with the baby.”

“Cas… You can’t...” Dean trailed off.

“It makes the most sense, Dean,” Cas said. “I have two bedrooms. We can make my office be the bedroom for you and Ben.”

“But…” Dean’s head was swimming. “Ever since you moved out of your crazy ass family’s home, you’ve been so fucking thrilled about living alone and finally having privacy. And you need a home office more than ever now that you’re working from home...”

“Dean, come on, at least stay with me until the quarantine is over,” Cas said. “You need a place. You need some help. I have a place, and I want to help you.”

“Are you sure?” Dean asked. “Won’t a baby disrupt your work?”

“All the dinners you cook for me will be worth it,” Cas said. “Do you know how sick I am of ramen and hot pockets?”

“I guess movie nights would be better in person too,” Dean said.

“Yeah, and Gabriel’s been sending me deliveries from his bakery like every other day,” Cas said. “I have far too many baked goods for any man to eat on his own. I _need_ you, Dean Winchester.”

“Gabe’s been sending you deliveries? Why are you just telling me this _now_? Why didn’t you ask me to move in before now?” Dean asked.

Cas laughed. “There’s a pie I’ve only eaten a single slice from. Apple.” 

“Fuck, Cas, I love you,” Dean said.

He felt his heart hammer in his chest at the accidental declaration, but Cas seemed to just laugh it off.

“We should go to bed, Dean,” Cas said. “We’re going to have to get up early in the morning.”

Dean froze. “Cas, you don’t have to--”

“I’m _going_ to Jersey with you,” Cas interrupted. “Don’t argue.”

“Thanks, man,” Dean replied as he forced himself to push away the urge to refuse the offer. “See you tomorrow, Cas.”

“Bye, Dean.”

Cas hung up, and the anxiety crept back in.

Starting tomorrow, he was going to be stuck in an apartment with his infant son who just lost his mother and a man he’d been hopelessly and unrequitedly in love with for over a decade.

There was no way this was going to end well. What the Hell was he doing?


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Dean drove the truck he borrowed from his work over to Cas’s apartment and texted him to let him know he was outside. His smile widened when he saw Cas exit the apartment building in a pair of jeans and oversized sweatshirt and some _sexy_ quarantine stubble. 

God, he missed seeing Cas in person. He wanted to hug him. Social distancing was the absolute worst.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said as he piled into the passenger’s side of the truck. “Ready to go meet your alleged son?”

Dean shrugged. “Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

He started driving. The roads were eerily light on traffic, even though it was basically rush hour. Having been stuck in his house for over a week, he hadn’t really thought about what things were like outside. He felt like he was in some kind of disaster movie. 

He was distracted from the disconcerting thoughts when Cas changed the radio station from the classic rock station he’d found to some kind of popular music channel. He was about to switch it back and remind Cas of the rules - _Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole -_ but he stopped himself when he saw Cas mouthing along to whatever poppy mess of a song they were listening to. He supposed that _just this once_ , when Cas was saving his fucking life, he’d let Cas have his horrible music choices.

Somehow, within less than an hour, he had been sucked in and found himself singing along to Taylor Swift’s _Shake It Off_. Dean made Cas promise to never tell anyone about this, but Cas just grinned mischievously. For some reason, Dean’s life was falling apart, but Cas looked happier than he’d seen him in years. Apparently, Cas’s happy place was in the middle of a pandemic, when he was going to have to give up his privacy for his annoying friend and his new son. 

After a couple hours of driving, Cas asked, “So how’d Sam take all this?”

Dean stiffened. “Haven’t told him yet.”

“You haven’t told _Sam_?” Cas asked incredulously.

“Don’t know how,” Dean admitted.

“How about ‘Sam, I most likely have a son, and we’re moving in with Cas’ as a start?” Cas said.

“I still haven’t figured out how I’m going to tell him I can’t afford his tuition, and now I need to tell him I have a _son_ , Cas,” Dean said. “It’s not that easy.”

“It’s just going to get harder the longer you wait,” Cas replied. “And what do you think Sam will say? You know he’ll support you.”

“Maybe,” Dean said. “He might just think I’m an irresponsible idiot.”

“If you were an irresponsible idiot, you wouldn’t be driving to New Jersey right now to pick up a kid who you can’t even be certain is yours,” Cas said. After a couple moments of silence, he added, “Dean, you practically raised Sam. Do you really think he won’t support you now?”

“That’s the _problem_ , Cas,” Dean said with a sigh. “He’s going to support me, and he’s going to try to like, take care of me or some bullshit.”

“Is there something wrong with Sam wanting to help you?” Cas asked.

“It ain’t his job, Cas,” Dean said.

Cas rolled his eyes. “It shouldn’t have been your job to take care of him your whole life, either. If he offers you help, it’s because he cares about you. And if it really bothers you, you can just tell him I’ll help you out with anything you or Ben need.”

“That makes me feel shitty too, Cas,” Dean said.

“Yeah, well, tough,” Cas replied. “It’s okay to need help, Dean.”

“You’re already doing _more_ than enough for me,” Dean said.

“I _want_ to help, Dean,” Cas assured him. “You’d do the same for me.”

“Kinda doubt you’d get a girl pregnant,” Dean said.

Cas let out a frustrated sigh. “Dean, you know that’s not the point. Who fixes my car for me every single time it falls apart? When my apartment started flooding, who did I call? Who helped me move everything into my apartment and built all my Ikea furniture?”

“That’s all very different from letting me move into your apartment _rent free_ with a baby,” Dean said. 

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I want you to move in with me,” Cas said. “Do you have _any idea_ how bored and lonely I’ve been?”

“Well, I’m guessing boring is off the table for a while,” Dean said. “I just hope you realize that you’ve signed up for being woken up in the middle of the night and having your work meetings interrupted by a crying baby in the background.”

“I am aware of how infants work, yes,” Cas said. “Do you think I’ll be the only one at work who has children in the background?”

“I just don’t want to jeopardize your employment,” Dean said.

Cas laughed. “Dean, I’m an accountant and we’re in the middle of an economic crisis and heading into a very strange tax season. I assure you, my job is safe.”

“But I don’t want to distract--”

“Dean, just let me help you,” Cas said firmly.

Dean sighed. “Okay, okay.”

“And when we stop for gas, call Sam,” Cas added. 

Dean sagged in the driver’s seat. “Fine.”

“Good boy,” Cas said with a grin.

“Not a dog, Cas,” Dean grumbled.

“I know,” Cas said. “If you were a dog, you’d be much easier to train.”

Dean glared at him, but the glare didn’t last long when he saw the small, adorable smirk on Cas’s face. Maybe he _was_ Cas’s dog.


	4. Chapter 4

Cas left Dean to go into the convenience store after making him promise that he’d call Sam. He hooked the truck up to the pump, and then reluctantly dialed Sam’s number.

“Hey, Dean,” Sam answered.

“Hi Sam,” Dean replied. “How, um, how are you doing?”

“Doing okay. Tired of Zoom meetings. Jess made some _awesome_ kale chips, though. Been munching on them all day,” Sam said.

“Gross,” Dean said. “Kale chips, really? Isn’t quarantine bad enough?”

“Yeah, whatever, Dean. How are you handling everything?” Sam asked.

Dean choked out a laugh. “Well, uh… So… I have some things I need to tell you.”

“If this is about tuition, I’ve got it, Dean,” Sam said.

“Wait, what?” Dean asked. 

“Dean, I have a stable job as a paralegal that I can do remotely, and scholarships cover the majority of my tuition. I can take over the amount you’ve been paying, especially since I’ve been able to save money while you’ve helped me out. I know you lost your job, it’s okay,” Sam said. “Just let me know if _you_ need anything. Help with food, or rent, or whatever. Jess and I are here for you.”

“Yeah, that’s… that’s good,” Dean said. “I um, I’m really sorry about the tuition.”

“It’s okay, Dean. I’d been considering offering to take it over even before the pandemic,” Sam said. “I was just worried how you’d take it…”

A truck passing by honked its horn, causing Sam to ask, “Wait, are you outside?”

“Yeah, I’m… driving to Jersey,” Dean said.

“ _Jersey?_ ” Sam asked incredulously. “Why the fuck are you driving _anywhere_?”

“I, um… I have a kid, I think,” Dean said. 

“You have a _kid_?” Sam asked. “Since fucking when?”

“Well… he’s going to turn one in May, apparently,” Dean said.

“And you’re just telling me about this _now?_ ” Sam asked. 

“I just found out last night!” Dean protested.

“Who is the kid’s mom, Dean?” Sam asked.

“Lisa,” Dean said.

“Who the fuck is Lisa?” Sam asked.

“We slept together. She said she was on the pill. It… it doesn’t matter,” Dean said. “She died of coronavirus yesterday.”

 _“What?”_ Sam asked. “Dean, you can’t just trust that this is all true. You need a paternity test. You need to figure out what your legal obligations are. I can get you in touch with someone at my office that deals with custody--”

“That’s fine, Sam, but right now my son needs me,” Dean said. 

“So you’re going to Jersey,” Sam replied. “To go get him.”

“Yeah,” Dean said.

“And then what, Dean?” Sam asked. “How are you going to take care of a baby? Do you need to move in with us? I can talk to Jess...”

“No, no,” Dean said urgently. “Ben and I are gonna stay with Cas.”

“You’re moving in with Cas,” Sam said in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Dean replied.

“You’re going to raise a baby...with Cas,” Sam said.

“I mean, I’ll do the baby raising part…” Dean insisted.

“Are you finally going to tell him how you feel?” Sam asked.

“Shut the fuck up, Sam,” Dean said.

“Right, okay, great plan,” Sam said irritably. “You really need to talk to him. Before you move in with him.”

Dean started making fake static noises with his mouth and said, “Sorry, Sam, you’re breaking up.”

Sam groaned. “Very mature, Dean.”

“Can’t hear you, byyyeee,” Dean said.

“Dean, tell Cas you’re in love with him,” Sam screamed back, and Dean hung up on him just as Cas walked back with four bags full of unnecessary overpriced food from the convenience store.

“I think I might have gone a bit overboard,” Cas said as he reached the truck.

Dean grinned at him. “You think?”

“I got you an apple pie turnover,” Cas said.

“I take it back, you did perfectly,” Dean replied.

“How did Sam take it?” Cas asked as they piled inside.

Dean shrugged. “Okay, I guess. He’s concerned, but not mad.”

Cas reached over to squeeze Dean’s thigh reassuringly. “I told you.”

Dean smiled back at Cas and ignored the excited fluttering in his chest. “You were right.”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Well, well, well, I never thought I’d get to see the day when Dean Winchester would tell me I was right about something. Let me just savor this moment.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Don’t let it get to your head.”

“Too late,” Cas said. “Can you say it again? I want to record it this time.”

“Screw you, Cas,” Dean replied.

Cas grinned and turned the music up, blasting Britney Spears’ _Toxic_ so loud that Dean worried the cars around them could hear it.


	5. Chapter 5

The house they pulled up to was small, but cheery. The bright yellow walls and flower boxes lining the porch felt so discordant with the experience of walking into the house of a grieving friend caring for his son.

He paused as they walked up to the front door, unable to take the next step until Cas took the initiative to ring the doorbell. As Cas pulled away, he briefly squeezed Dean’s shoulder. He heard movement in the house, and then it was only a couple seconds before a woman answered the door. Her hair was frizzy, and she was wearing ripped sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.

“Angelina?” Dean guessed.

“Dean,” she said. “Come in.”

She stepped aside, and let Cas and Dean walk into the house. Once he was inside, he could see a baby crawling in a playpen set up in the middle of the living room floor. The baby was wearing a shirt with a monkey on it that said “chunky monkey” and rainbow striped leggings. There were stuffed animals thrown everywhere, and building blocks stacked in the corner.

Dean started walking towards the baby, but was stopped by Angelina saying, “Wait.”

Dean turned to look at her.

“Wash your hands first, both of you,” she said, nodding towards the kitchen.

Dean nodded, and he walked with Cas into the kitchen. She followed behind them, staying several feet away from them the whole time.

“You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend,” Angelina said as Cas scrubbed his hands thoroughly.

Dean’s chest tightened. “Boyfriend? No, no… Cas isn’t…”

“We’re just friends,” Cas said. “I’m Castiel.”

“Why are you bringing along a friend?” Angelina asked. 

“He’s going to be living with me, so I thought it would be sensible if I came to help him get Ben settled,” Cas said.

Angelina nodded. “Okay. Okay. That makes sense. I’m sorry. I know this is a lot to spring on you. I just… I’m a mess.”

Dean took his turn washing his hands while Cas kept talking to Angelina. He was only half paying attention, but he could still tell by the way that Cas was talking with stilted answers that he was feeling anxious and uncomfortable. Cas often struggled with knowing the appropriate social responses for things when he was talking to strangers, and it usually led to him sounding weirdly robotic. When Cas was talking to his closest friends, though, that’s when you got to see the real Cas. The dorky, sarcastic weirdo who would do anything for the people he loved. 

Dean dried his hands off and turned around, once again catching sight of his son.

It was weird. He had never really contemplated what it would be like to see his child for the first time, but it felt… magnetic. He walked over to where Ben was playing and sat cross-legged right outside the playpen. 

“So, this is my kid, huh?” Dean asked as the boy crawled over to the edge.

Cas sat down next to Dean, while Angelina stood behind them.

“He has your eyes,” Cas said.

“He looks so much like Lisa,” Angelina said in a choked up voice.

Dean watched as the boy toddled around, occasionally using the playpen to drag himself briefly into a standing position before falling back over. He babbled nonsensically, and Dean couldn’t help but smile.

“Dean, if we want to get back home at a reasonable hour, we should probably start packing up the truck,” Cas said.

Dean nodded and stood up. He turned towards Angelina. “What can we take?”

“Everything Lisa gave me,” she answered. “I have his playpen, a high chair, a stroller, a crib, a car seat, a bunch of diapers and formula, a mountain of clothes and bibs and toys…Lisa has more stuff at her place, but...” Her voice got heavy as she said, “We can’t go there. One of her work friends gave me her phone and purse, but… they said it wouldn’t be safe to go into her apartment yet.”

They spent the next hour loading up the truck, finally getting around to packing up the playpen while Angelina took Ben to give him a diaper change. When they came back out, the truck was packed, and they were ready. Dean held out his arms to take the baby, and Ben immediately shoved his face into Angelina’s shoulder to hide away. As Angelina handed Ben over, Ben said “mamaaaa” and Dean watched as Angelina lost her composure and her eyes started to tear up.

Dean frowned, and passed Ben over to Cas. “Can you get him strapped into the car? I’ll be out in a minute.”

Cas nodded, taking the baby from Dean’s hands, and walked outside.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked.

Angelina shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry. I know this isn’t fair to you.”

“What wasn’t fair to me was hiding him from me until after Lisa died,” Dean said.

“I know,” she said. “ _I know._ But you have to understand. Lisa didn’t want to be tied to someone she barely knew for the rest of her life, she didn’t want to have Ben’s well-being be out of her control.”

“Well, if she didn’t trust me, why are you trusting me now then?” Dean asked.

She burst into tears. “I can’t do this. You don’t understand. When Lisa asked if I could take Ben…” She took a deep breath. “I said yes, obviously I said yes. She’s my best friend, and of course I didn’t want Ben to be at risk of getting sick. But it was supposed to be for a month. Two months. Three months, maybe, tops. She wasn’t… It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I can’t… I can’t be a mom. I never wanted to be a mom, ever. I was just supposed to be the… fun aunty. I can’t do this. _I can’t do this._ ”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Dean said. 

“I know I failed her. I know I failed Ben,” Angelina said. “But if I tried to get custody… there’s no assurances I would get it, and even if I did, I’m scared… I’m scared I’d grow to _resent_ him. I’m not built for this.”

“I understand,” Dean said, shaking his head. “I can’t say I love the way this happened, but… He’s not your son. He’s not your responsibility. Does Lisa have any family? Anyone else who might be able to help? At least to keep some kind of connection to Lisa in his life.”

Angelina rolled her eyes. “If you knew Lisa’s family, you’d know why I went to you first. I wouldn’t expect much of any kind of help from them. They never helped Lisa when she needed it, so I doubt they’d be willing to help you.”

“Great,” Dean said. “I guess Lisa and I had more in common than I realized.”

Angelina frowned. “But if Ben ever wants to talk about Lisa, or you ever have any questions… I’m here. I’m always here for you and Ben.”

“Thanks, Angelina,” Dean said. “I guess I should get going…”

“Yeah, I guess…” Angelina said. “Take care of him, please.”

“I will,” Dean promised.

His stomach fell as he left the house to join Cas out in the truck. He had no idea how he was going to keep that promise.


	6. Chapter 6

The drive home was horrific. Within minutes, the baby started fussing. They pulled over so Cas could move from the passenger seat to sit next to the baby in the back seat. He tried desperately to keep him calm, offering him toys and food, but Ben was inconsolable for most of the trip.

He finally managed to fall asleep a couple hours into the trip, but he only managed to stay asleep for about twenty minutes before waking up and crying again. Dean had never taken so many stops on a five hour trip before, and he was merely grateful for the fact that the roads were so empty that the trip was way shorter than it normally would have been. He nearly cried when he saw the sign welcoming him into Massachusetts. If it wasn’t for his newfound fear of germs, he would have kissed the ground outside Cas’s apartment.

Cas quickly unbuckled Ben from his carseat and lifted him onto his hip. He looked so natural with the baby that Dean felt jealous. For the first time in hours, Ben wasn’t fussing or crying, and it was Cas that had managed to calm him down, just by holding him. Dean opened Cas’s apartment and walked inside, stepping aside to allow Cas inside with the baby. 

He looked around and squinted. Cas had redecorated, and the couch and television had all moved since he’d last been in the apartment. The reason why soon became clear when he saw his desk and computer chair had been moved into the main room.

“You moved stuff already?” Dean asked. “How did you move that desk alone?”

“Very slowly,” Cas answered with a shrug. “I wanted to make moving in less hectic with the baby.”

Dean walked into the bedroom which had formerly been Cas’s office. It was weirdly empty with only a nightstand with a lamp on it and an air mattress set up in the corner.

“We’ll have to get your bed moved over,” Cas said, and Dean nodded.

“We can worry about that later,” Dean said. “We should get the crib, but I don’t know where to put Ben while we move things inside.”

“Maybe we can set up the playpen first? I think there’s  _ barely _ enough room for it in the living room.”

“That’s a good idea,” Dean replied.

Dean went out to get the playpen and set it up, and then Cas placed Ben down in the middle. The moment Cas put Ben down, he started crying again. 

It didn’t take long to move the crib into the apartment, but even just the few minutes that both of them left the house with Ben alone in the playpen, Dean’s chest raced with anxiety. Babies were so fragile, and required so much supervision, and he just  _ knew _ he wasn’t up to the job. Ben’s constant crying confirmed what he already knew to be true: he had no idea how to be a father.

“He’s off schedule already, but I think we should give him his final bottle and diaper change, and try to get him to bed,” Cas said. “It’s already past his normal bedtime.”

Dean nodded, but made no movement.

“Do you want me to do it?” Cas asked.

Dean shook his head. “No, I’ll… I can do this.”

“Okay. Let me just go find the notes Angelina gave us,” Cas said.

Cas rummaged around in the giant diaper bag, pulling out several pages of notes, a bottle, some formula, a diaper, a cleansing lotion, and some baby wipes. He handed the notes over to Dean and sat on the couch as Dean obsessively read through the instructions.

Making formula. Feeding a baby. Changing a baby. He could do this. People do this all the time.

He mixed the formula powder with water and warmed the bottle, and then went back into the room where Cas was making weird faces at Ben, who mostly seemed unamused.

Dean scooped him up out of the playpen and sat down on the couch with Ben in his arms. He handed the bottle to Ben, who immediately started sucking down formula.

“He was the same way when I gave him the bottle at the gas station earlier,” Cas noted. “And he ate the cheerios I gave him with some serious determination. I think he inherited your appetite.”

Dean grinned down at his son as he continued vigorously drinking from the bottle. He still had no idea what he was doing, and he was almost certain he was going to mess up, but there was just something special about looking into his son’s eyes as he snuggled into his arms. 

Maybe being a father wouldn’t be so bad.


	7. Chapter 7

They started to get into a routine. Dean had gotten used to waking up at around noon ever since going into quarantine, but now he was getting up at the ungodly hour of seven AM again. He’d give the baby a bottle, and then make a bigger breakfast for Ben and the adults around 9, which would have the immediate consequence of luring a sleepy Cas out of his room. Cas would start working immediately after breakfast, and Ben would take a morning nap at around 10 AM. 

He’d want a bottle after waking up, and then Dean would play with him for a couple hours until lunch at around 1. Then another nap, another feeding, and then dinner. They’d start the bedtime routine around 6:15, give Ben his night time feeding, and then tuck him into bed. 

Angelina had told Dean that Ben was sleeping through the night and it shouldn’t be an issue. She was wrong; it was an issue. Ben never wanted to go to sleep, and would cry for at least an hour after being tucked in, and frequently wake up to cry again in the middle of the night. The worst moments were when he’d cry out for his mama.

Dean had never felt so exhausted or incompetent. Having to wake up to console his son in the middle of the night and sleeping on an air mattress was getting to him. They hadn’t been able to get his bed from his apartment yet, because they didn’t know how to move it without leaving Ben behind or asking someone to break quarantine. 

Worst of all, his son clearly hated him. He loved Cas way more; he’d often stop crying immediately as soon as Cas would pick him up. He hated when Dean would take him into the bedroom whenever Cas had to go on a work call in the main room. When Cas wasn’t working, Ben seemed enraptured by his mere presence. He’d crawl after Cas on the ground, trailing behind him and babbling incomprehensibly. 

It had only been a week, and Dean was already breaking. Cas had been nothing but amazing to him and Ben, but Dean was getting short with him, too. It wasn’t Cas’s fault that Ben liked him better, but Dean was jealous. He was letting that jealousy turn him into an asshole. When he’d go too far, Cas would simply raise an eyebrow or purse his lips. Dean knew Cas was getting irritated with him, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from taking his anger out on his best friend.

In the middle of a particularly rough night, Cas came into the room after Ben’s fifth time waking up. He looked just as exhausted as Dean felt and his hair was sticking up in every direction. Dean felt a pang of guilt looking at him.

“Want to sleep in my bed tonight, Dean?” Cas asked. “I can watch over him.”

“No, Cas, it’s fine, go back to bed,” Dean answered.

“Are you sure?” Cas asked. “I don’t mind.”

“I said _no,_ Cas,” Dean replied as he bounced a crying Ben on his hip.

“Fine,” Cas said coldly as he turned to leave.

After Cas left, Dean kept bouncing Ben and mumbled, “Just you and me, bud.”

He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know why he agreed to be a father. He was the worst possible person to be a father.

It wasn’t long before Dean started tearing up himself, and suddenly Ben wasn’t the only one crying uncontrollably. His body was shaking, and his teeth were chattering, and he felt like his head was going to explode. He took in a deep breath to try to calm himself, but it ended up leading him into a much more hysterical fit of tears. Tears were streaming down his face and snot was pouring out of his nose. He was a _mess._ Even more of a mess than the crying baby.

“Dean?” Cas asked in a worried tone as he walked back into the room. He looked terrified, and it just made Dean feel worse. He tried to force himself to tell Cas he was okay, but no words were coming.

“Woah, okay, hey, Dean, it’s okay, I’m here,” Cas said as he rushed towards Dean and took Ben out of his arms.

Of course, seconds after Ben was in Cas’s arms, he stopped crying.

Dean started crying harder as Cas sat down on the air mattress next to him with Ben in his arms.

“How can I help, Dean?” Cas asked.

Dean shook his head, unsure of what to say.

“Look, it’s the weekend, how about I take care of Ben for the day, and you catch up on some sleep,” Cas suggested. 

“Not your job,” Dean replied.

“I’m offering, Dean, it’s okay to accept help,” Cas said. “ _Every_ new parent needs a break sometimes. Trust me.”

“What am I doing wrong, Cas?” Dean asked. “Why does he hate me?”

“You’re not doing anything wrong, Dean,” Cas said.

“Yeah, then why does he like you so much better?” Dean asked.

Cas sighed. “Dean… I’m just more used to babies than you are. My parents constantly got foster kids, often babies, and I have three younger siblings, including two who are substantially younger. You know this.”

“But then I still must be doing something wrong!” Dean said. “You learned how to do it right, so what am I doing wrong?”

“You’re not doing anything wrong, Dean, he probably just can sense that you’re stressed,” Cas said. “And, you know, he’s going through a lot. Separation anxiety is a real problem at this age and he lost his mom and then lost the next person who took care of him, too. And he’s teething. It’s a lot for a little baby who doesn’t yet understand his emotions.”

“But what if he…” Dean wiped tears away from his eyes. “What if he never loves me?”

“Dean, he will _absolutely_ love you,” Cas answered. “You just need to give him some time to form that bond.”

“But what if I fuck it up?” Dean said. “I’m not exactly father material.”

“That’s bullshit,” Cas said. 

“Ain’t exactly like I have any good father role model for me to take after,” Dean said.

Cas sighed. “Dean, just because your father was an asshole doesn’t mean you will be. You _will_ be a great father.”

“You don’t know that,” Dean said.

“Who took the crusts off Sam’s sandwiches? Who made sure he got into bed on time and got to school in the morning? Who helped him get into college and eventually law school?”

“Me,” Dean said reluctantly.

“Yeah, _you_ ,” Cas said. “And who drove to pick up Ben the day after you found out he existed? Who has been staying up with him while he goes through some kind of sleep regression? Who has been feeding him and changing him and reading a book every night to him?”

“Me,” Dean said. “Well, both of us. You help a lot.”

“I want to help,” Cas assured him. “But you’re already a great father. Ben’s just a baby. He’ll figure out how awesome his father is soon enough.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean said.

“Anytime, Dean, now _please_ go spend the night in my bed. You need the rest,” Cas said as he placed a snoozing Ben back in the crib, somehow magically without waking him back up.

Dean nodded in defeat. “Okay.”

Before Dean could leave the room, Cas walked up to him and gathered him in a hug. Dean melted into the embrace, letting Cas hold him and soothingly pet his back. Dean tucked his head into Cas’s shoulder and let another few tears drop down. Reluctantly, after several seconds, he pulled away, not wanting to make Cas uncomfortable or abuse his generosity. He gave Cas’s arm a firm squeeze and walked over to his bedroom. This really wasn’t the way he’d always imagined getting into Cas’s bed, but after lying down on an actual bed for the first time in over a week, he wasn’t about to complain.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean woke up slowly. He reached for his phone, and startled when he realized it was past 1 PM. He pushed himself to sit up in the bed and wiped his eyes. With a large amount of effort, he managed to convince himself to leave the warm comfort of the bed and put on his robe before heading out into the main room. Cas smiled as Dean entered the room, and Ben picked up a banana slice from his high chair table and squealed.

“Look, Ben, it’s Dada,” Cas said to Ben as he pointed at Dean. “Can you say Dada?”

“Ba baa waaa,” Ben babbled.

Cas nodded. “Good point, Ben.”

Dean smiled at the two of them. “Why didn’t you wake me up before now?”

“You needed the rest, Dean,” Cas replied.

Dean walked up to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup. “Yeah, I guess I kinda did.”

“I was about to wake you up after Ben’s lunch anyway, though. I talked to Sam, he’s going to come here later today and all day tomorrow so you two can clear out your old apartment and you can give your landlord 20 days notice or you’ll end up having to pay rent for May,” Cas said.

“What, Sam? Isn’t that breaking the shelter in place advisory?” Dean asked.

“Yes, but it’s better than you paying an unnecessary extra month of rent, and you need your bed, Dean,” Cas said. “Why didn’t you tell me the air mattress was losing air in the middle of the night?”

Dean shrugged. “It was better than nothing. Just had to pump it up every couple hours. I was waking up for Ben anyway. Didn’t seem to matter much.”

Cas sighed and said, “Dean, you need to stop making things harder for yourself. Anyway, Sam said he’d be here around two, so you should probably get ready.”

“Why didn’t you ask me before talking to Sam?” Dean asked.

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Because you would have tried to talk me out of it, and Sam and I agree you’re a dumb self-sacrificing idiot.”

Dean opened his mouth to object, but then closed it, knowing he was right. He really didn’t have the money to pay rent another month, and he desperately needed stuff from his apartment. As much as he hated making Sam come help, they needed him because someone needed to stay here to watch Ben. 

“Fine, I’m just gonna… take a shower then,” Dean said. He drained the remaining coffee in his cup and placed the cup in the sink.

As he turned to leave, Ben said, “bye bye.”

Dean turned back around and grinned at him. “Bye bye, buddy.”

He meant to take a quick shower, but it was his first time showering in about three days, and he couldn’t stop himself from luxuriating in the hot water. By the time he got out, brushed his teeth, and got dressed, Sam was already waiting for him in the main room. 

He was having a conversation with Ben, or more accurately, responding to Ben’s random sounds with nonsensical babble of his own. Ben seemed to love it and kept breaking out into laughter. Great, another person Ben loved more than Dean.

“Hey, Dean,” Sam said as he noticed Dean entering your room. “Ben was just telling me all your darkest secrets.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Dean said. 

“Okay, it’s time for Ben’s afternoon nap,” Cas said as he scooped Ben up into his arms. “You two should get going too. Dean, can you pick up some diapers and milk while you’re out?”

“Yeah, no problem,” Dean said.

Cas flashed a smile at him as he took Ben into his bedroom. 

Dean could sense the probing stare from Sam, and vowed to ignore it. When they got into the car, he turned the music up loud enough that Sam wouldn’t be tempted to talk over it. At the apartment, Dean was able to avoid conversation by focusing on packing and cleaning. Sam had luckily kept most of the boxes he’d used when he moved into his apartment with Jess, and that helped the process, but they were still less than half done by the time it was nearing nine o’clock. They ordered some pizza when they realized how late it had gotten, and decided to stop for the day once the pizza arrived.

As they were finishing up their slices, Sam took the opening as a chance to grill Dean.

“So how are you doing, really?” Sam asked.

Dean shrugged. “Good. Just living day to day.”

“Cas says you’ve been struggling,” Sam said.

“Cas should keep his gossipy little mouth shut,” Dean said.

Sam stared pointedly at Dean as he said, “He told me you’ve been on edge and lashing out at him, too.”

“Yeah, well, maybe he should talk to me about it instead of complaining to my little brother,” Dean said.

“He’s not complaining. He’s worried about you,” Sam replied. “And frankly, he deserves better. He’s sacrificed a lot to help you out here.”

“I _know_ he deserves better,” Dean said. “Do you think I’m not aware that Cas deserves so, so much better than dealing with my bullshit? Maybe I should just move out.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Dean,” Sam answered.

“I’m _sorry_ that I’m such a fucking idiot that you and Cas have to put up with me--”

“Stop your god damn pity party and listen to me,” Sam said, cutting Dean off. “Cas would do just about anything for you. And he is _happy_ to help you with Ben. He loves Ben. But you need to stop treating Cas like he’s the problem here.”

“I know,” Dean said. “Believe me, I know.”

“So what’s really going on?” Sam asked.

“I’m jealous of him,” Dean admitted. 

“Jealous?” 

Dean shrugged. “Ben loves him more.”

“Ben’s a baby, Dean. You can’t let his actions determine how _you_ behave,” Sam said.

“I’m just scared that I’ll never get that bond with Ben,” Dean said.

“That’s dumb,” Sam replied.

“Shut up, you don’t understand,” Dean muttered.

“Oh, I understand perfectly well. You’re jealous of Cas for being better with babies, and you’re scared that Ben will never see you as a father, and I’m telling you that you’re dumb,” Sam said.

“How the fuck would you know?” Dean asked.

“There is nobody in this world who has a better idea of what kind of a father you will be than me, because for all intents and purposes, you _were_ my father, and that was true long before dad died,” Sam said. “So suck it up, and stop letting a baby’s whims determine your mood.”

“I’m not sure that ‘suck it up’ are the recommended words of emotional support for new fathers,” Dean said.

“Yeah, well, Jess is the one in school to become a psychologist, not me,” Sam said with a grin.

“What does Jess think of all this, anyway?” Dean asked.

“What, your sudden fatherhood?” Sam questioned.

Dean shrugged. “Well, yeah.”

“She thinks you’re doing the right thing taking in Ben, if that’s what you’re asking. She _also_ thinks that you need to talk to Cas about your feelings,” Sam said.

“Sam, stop, it’s not going to happen,” Dean said.

“I know you think he doesn’t feel the same way, but I can see the way he--”

“ _Sam_ ,” Dean interrupted.

Sam raised his hands. “Fine, I’ll shut up _for now,_ but I really think you’re just making things harder for yourself.”

“Yeah, well, what else is new?” Dean asked as he pushed himself off the ground. “We should probably stop at the grocery store and then get the stuff we’ve loaded back to the apartment.”

“Sure,” Sam said as he picked up the pizza box and then put it in the nearly empty fridge.

At the grocery store, Dean picked up stuff to make burgers for dinner later in the week, knowing Dean’s homemade burgers were Cas’s favorite. He got jelly because he noticed that Cas’s favorite jelly was almost out, and Cas ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a snack nearly every day. He was determined to make up for the way he’d been treating Cas. He could do better.


	9. Chapter 9

They didn’t actually finish unloading the apartment and moving his stuff into Cas’s place until Monday night. He gave his landlord notice, and then donated the furniture and belongings he had that wouldn’t fit into Cas’s apartment. It was weird, planning life and apartment plans with Cas. It was so close to everything he’d been fantasizing for years, and yet so very wrong. Cas didn’t really _want_ him there; he just was helping out the poor pitiful, charity case of an unemployed friend who was dumb enough to get a girl he barely knew pregnant. 

On the bright side, the routine finally seemed to be settling in with Ben, who was finally sleeping through the night again. As Ben started to seem happier, Dean’s mood also improved. Ben’s improved routine also meant that Dean and Cas were able to spend more time together after Ben went to sleep, which led to Dean taking up his years long project of educating Cas on all the pop culture he’d missed by living in a weirdly religious household that didn’t even have a television for his entire childhood.

They started their movie parties with Dean sitting on the recliner while Cas was on the couch, but once Dean started cooking snacks or bringing out baked goods from Gabriel for them to share, they moved to both sit on the couch. As the days went on, they started to get… closer. It would start with their hands brushing when they reached for food or the remote, then it moved on to sharing a blanket because they were both cold. Dean felt this undeniable electric current coursing through him every time he felt Cas’s touch.

Cas started being more physical in general, sitting close enough that their thighs barely touched or resting his legs on Dean’s lap. They never took it further to full on cuddling, but it was still incredibly addictive. There was no way Dean was going to point it out and risk making it weird.

He got it. They were both quarantined and completely starved of other human contact. It made sense that Cas would start getting a bit more physical, and he wasn’t going to let his own unrequited attraction make things awkward or uncomfortable or do anything that might make Cas _stop._

One night, they had Indiana Jones on in the background while Cas had his legs resting on Dean’s lap. It was clear to Dean that Cas was not paying attention to the movie because he was focusing entirely on his phone. Dean was tempted to tell him off for not paying attention, but he didn’t want to piss Cas off and cause him to pull away. 

Cas frowned for a couple seconds before reaching for the remote and pressing pause. “Charlie is asking about you, she says you’ve been avoiding her and only giving one word answers for a few weeks. She’s worried.”

Dean’s body stiffened and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I told her you’ve been busy with Ben,” Cas said. “And you know what’s weird? Apparently she has no idea who Ben is.”

“You told her about Ben?” Dean asked.

Cas sighed. “No. I haven’t replied yet. She’s asking if he’s the ‘hot guy from Louisiana’ you were seeing a few months ago.”

“Benny? I only went out with him a couple times,” Dean said.

“Yes, Dean, but why doesn’t she know about Ben yet? And why are you avoiding her?” Cas asked.

Dean shrugged and moved to the other side of the couch, pushing Cas’s legs off his lap.

“Dean, you can’t hide this forever,” Cas said.

“I just don’t know how to tell people,” Dean said.

“You told me,” Cas said.

“Yeah, but you’re… you,” Dean said. 

Cas’s lip quirked. “You told Sam and Jess.”

“Sam’s Sam, and Sam told Jess,” Dean said.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Please tell me you’ve told Bobby, at least.”

Dean shrugged.

“Seriously, Dean?” 

“I just don’t wanna talk about it. I’m a fucking high school dropout with six dollars to my name. I don’t want everyone questioning how I’m supposed to be a father,” Dean said.

“ _None_ of your close friends and family are going to look down on you for this,” Cas said.

“You don’t know that,” Dean replied. “They’d be right, you know. I’m an incompetent, irresponsible mess.”

“Dean, come on, you’re the only one who thinks that about you,” Cas said. “Do you _really_ think Charlie or Dorothy or Bobby or Jo or Ellen are going to be anything other than supportive?”

“Maybe not to my face,” Dean said.

“They do _not_ speak poorly about you behind your back,” Cas said.

“They think it, though,” Dean said. “Admit it, Cas. Even you think I’m an immature, emotionally repressed, irresponsible dumbass.”

“Do not presume to tell me what I think of you,” Cas said coldly.

“Then tell me the truth, Cas, not just the things I want to hear. You know I’m a disaster,” Dean said.

“You want to know what I think of you?” Cas asked. “Do you seriously want to know what I _really_ think of you?”

“Yeah, Cas, just lay it on me,” Dean said.

“Oh, I’ll tell you what I think of you,” Cas sat, sitting up straight. “But don’t fucking interrupt me.”

“I won’t,” Dean said.

Cas raised an eyebrow. “I think you’re an infuriatingly maddening person who refuses to let people in due to constantly carrying a massive amount of unnecessary guilt and an insecurity complex the size of the Chrysler building.”

“Jeez, Cas, I--” Dean started, but he was cut off by Cas holding a hand up.

“I _said_ don’t interrupt me,” Cas continued. “You’re also the strongest, most caring, and best person I know. You were given a raw fucking deal in life - mom dead at the age of four, a neglectful asshole of a father who died before you turned twenty, crippling poverty - and you clawed your way out of it solely with your intelligence and determination. You found a stable career that you _will_ get back when this quarantine is over, and you pushed your younger brother to get into _fucking Harvard_ with nearly a full scholarship. You pushed me away from the cliff of depression and suicidal ideation more times than you’ll _ever_ know, and you are _always_ there whenever any of your loved ones need you. Your main flaw is that you _never_ let us be there for you, too.”

Dean blushed and stared down at the couch, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m letting you help me now,” Dean mumbled.

“I know, Dean,” Cas said softly. “And I understand how hard it must have been for you to accept my help with all this. But I need you to know that I _want_ you here. I’d be a mess right now if you were anywhere else.”

Dean glanced up. “You would?”

“Dean, I’d be worried sick if you were somewhere else with Ben and I couldn’t see either of you,” Cas said. “Even before you found out about Ben… We’d only been quarantining for a couple weeks, and I can’t tell you how much I missed being able to be with you in person.”

“Even with our Netflix parties and FaceTime chats?”

“You were freaking out about the job and money and Sam’s tuition, and I just… I wanted to be there with you,” Cas said.

“I wanted to be with you too,” Dean admitted.

Cas slowly moved closer and tentatively cuddled up against Dean. Dean placed his arm around Cas and snuggled him closer, causing Cas to let out a contented sigh and lay his head down on Dean’s shoulder.

“If I’m being honest…” Dean said, taking in a deep breath. “I’ve really liked… this too.”

Cas smiled and teased, “Dean Winchester, the cuddler.”

“Don’t tell anyone, you’ll ruin my rep,” Dean said, and Cas laughed much harder than the joke deserved. Dean could feel the laughs shaking Cas’s body, and he saw the bright eyes and giant grin brightening up his face in a way that never failed to make Dean feel weak. He loved when he was the one making Cas look that happy.

He knew they were crossing some boundaries. Part of him wanted to ask what the cuddling really meant, but a larger, cowardly part of him just wanted to let it keep going for as long as possible. He wasn’t ready to be rejected yet. 


	10. Chapter 10

Something changed between them. The cuddling was no longer tentative or brief, and Cas wasn’t the only one initiating anymore. Whenever Cas wasn’t working or Ben didn’t need them, they’d inevitably end up tangled together. They didn’t talk about it, and it never went further than cuddles, no matter how many times Dean was tempted to kiss him. It was confusing and Dean knew he was letting himself be led on, but it felt so _right._ He desperately craved Cas’s touch. 

Somehow, Cas convinced him to set up a Zoom meeting to introduce everyone to Ben once he woke up from his nap. It seemed easier to do it all at once than to try and have separate conversations with everyone he needed to tell.

He invited Sam and Jess, even though they already knew. He invited Charlie and Dorothy, and Ellen and Jo, and Bobby.

He walked up behind Cas and wrapped his arms around him. “Should I invite Gabe and Anna?” 

“You can if you want, but they already know,” Cas said. 

Dean frowned and stepped back. “You told them?”

“This was a very significant life change for me. I needed people to talk to about it,” Cas said.

“Right, of course,” Dean said.

Cas sighed, and grabbed a hold of Dean’s hand. “Dean, I’m sorry.”

Dean shook his head. “You don’t have to be. I had you, and I had Sam, and you should be able to talk to your non-sucky family members too.”

“I’m afraid once I told Gabe, the news spread quickly, so the sucky ones know now too,” Cas said.

“Oh,” Dean said. “What… what are they saying about it?”

“Anna and Gabe are supportive, even if Gabe is mostly just teasing me,” Cas said. “Alfie and Esther were excited and demanded pictures. And mom is always happy for more babies.”

“And everyone else?” Dean asked.

Cas shrugged. “Most of them haven’t reached out or don’t care. And _I_ don’t care what Michael, Luke, or Raphael say.”

“What are they saying?” Dean asked.

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand. “Some homophobic bullshit. Does it matter?”

“But we’re not even together,” Dean said.

Cas dropped his hand and frowned. “Right, of course. I think I heard Ben fussing. I’ll go get him up from his nap. Call for me when you’re ready.”

Dean stared after Cas as he left. He’d seemed… upset, maybe even disappointed when Dean said they weren’t together. Dean didn’t know what to do about that. He didn’t know what it meant, and he didn’t want to let a seed of hope start to grow if he’d have to crush it later.

Dean started the call, and Charlie and Dorothy joined him almost immediately. Dean couldn’t help but notice how pale and tired Charlie looked, but he hoped that was just the bad lighting and lack of makeup.

“Hey bitch, guess you’re not dead,” Charlie said in a hoarse voice.

“Yeah, sorry, I haven’t been the greatest friend lately,” Dean said.

“Well, I _suppose_ I’ll forgive you if you join my Moondoor roleplaying game tomorrow,” Charlie said.

Dean laughed. “I’ll be there.”

“Good, because she’s been planning the game for days and she’s freaking out about not getting enough players remotely,” Dorothy said, as she ran her fingers down Charlie’s arm.

Charlie squinted and then asked, “Wait, are you at Cas’s apartment?”

“Yeah…” Dean said, but he was saved from having to explain by Sam and Jess joining the chat, followed almost immediately by Ellen and Jo. A couple minutes later, Bobby joined, but his microphone was not working. Dean watched as Bobby got increasingly more frustrated as Charlie tried to walk him through how to fix it. Finally, eventually, he managed to get the microphone working.

“So, what’s this all about?” Bobby asked gruffly. “You said you had ‘news’?”

Dean nodded and drew in a deep breath. In a louder voice, he said, “Uh, Cas, you wanna join us?”

Cas came out holding Ben in his arms and walked up next to Dean so he could be seen on the laptop’s camera.

“So… this is my son,” Dean said. “His name is Ben.”

“SON?!” Charlie yelled, before almost immediately devolving into a series of coughs while Dorothy rubbed her back.

“You okay, Char?” Dean asked.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me,” Charlie said. “Tell us about the baby. _Now._ ”

"Yeah, you're going to need to explain the baby immediately," Jo agreed.

Dean explained the story again, with Sam and Cas occasionally piping in to add more detail and with Ben occasionally interrupting to point at stuff or make random noises. Dean was guarded at first, trying to gauge the response from his friends and family, but he relaxed by the end of the call, even when Bobby called him an ‘idjit’ for hiding Ben from them for so long. He promised to keep them updated and send pictures every day, and Dean felt lighter than he had in weeks. He hadn’t realized how much fear he’d built up by keeping Ben a secret, or how relieving it would feel to let go of that secret.

He forgot how awkward he’d made things with Cas until after the call ended, and Cas passed Ben to Dean before going back into his bedroom alone.

Dean considered following after him and trying to fix things, but he wasn’t even sure what he would say. He was saved from making the decision by a text message from Charlie.

**[3:43 PM Charlie]: So what’s going on with Cas?**

Dean frowned and moved Ben to place him in the high chair before responding.

**[3:44 PM Dean]: what’s going on with that cough?**

**[3:45 PM Charlie]: Don’t change the subject. I saw the tension between you.**

**[3:46 PM Dean]: idk I think I messed everything up**

**[3:46 PM Charlie]: What did you do?**

Dean typed out multiple answers and deleted them, before finally settling on an acceptable answer.

**[3:49 PM Dean]: tbh I was weak and I let my feelings get in the way and now I think he’s mad at me**

**[3:50 PM Charlie]: Have you tried, I dunno, talking to him?**

**[3:51 PM Dean]: have you tried talking to a doctor about that cough?**

**[3:52 PM Charlie]: I called my primary care doctor and she said that I should self-quarantine for at least 14 days, which I was doing anyway.**

**[3:52 PM Dean]: are you going to get a test?**

**[3:53 PM Charlie]: There are no tests, Dean. You can’t get a test unless you’re basically dying. My doctor said to presume that Dorothy and I both have it (she has a mild cough and low fever) and only come in to get help if our breathing gets worse. We’ll be ok, we’re young and healthy.**

**[3:54 PM Dean]: lisa was our age and healthy**

**[3:55 PM Charlie]: Thanks, Dean. That really helps me feel better.**

**[3:56 PM Dean]: i’m sorry, charlie. I’m sorry i haven’t been around for you either**

**[3:57 PM Charlie]: You had a good excuse. But, more importantly, CAS!!!! I told you I talked to a doctor, so now you have to talk to Cas.**

**[3:58 PM Dean]: i don’t think that’s how this works.**

**[3:59 PM Charlie]: Hmmm, actually it is. Go talk to Cas.**

**[4:00 PM Dean]: what if he rejects me? I don’t have anywhere else to go and i can’t be stuck in quarantine with the love of my life who doesn’t want me back**

**[4:01 PM Charlie]: He’s not going to reject you, you oblivious moron.**

**[4:02 PM Dean]: he should**

**[4:02 PM Charlie]: uuughhhhhhhhhhhhh**

**[4:03 PM Charlie]: TALK**

**[4:03 PM Charlie]: TO**

**[4:03 PM Charlie]: CAS**

**[4:04 PM Charlie]: Seriously, Dean, I’ve watched and read thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands, of love stories. There is no couple I’ve been more sure about than you and Cas.**

**[4:05 PM Dean]: my life isn’t fiction, charlie.**

**[4:06 PM Charlie]: Pfft, it’s a slow burn friends to lovers story, finally brought together by a secret baby.**

Ben started fussing, pulling Dean’s attention away from his conversation with Charlie.

**[4:07 PM Dean]: whatever, charlie. I need to feed ben. I hope you feel better soon. let us know if you need anything**

**[4:08 PM Charlie]: We will. And talk to Cas or I’ll have to reconsider your Hogwarts house because this isn’t Gryffindor behavior at all.**

**[4:09 PM Dean]:** **🖕**

Dean got a bottle ready for Ben and fed it to him, but he spent the whole time staring at Cas’s closed door and wondering if Sam and Charlie were right. Maybe he was being a coward. 


	11. Chapter 11

Dean cooked burgers for dinner. At some point, he was going to need to come up with another way to apologize rather than burgers. It did work at drawing Cas out of his room, though.

“You made burgers,” Cas said as he walked into the kitchen. His eyes looked red and puffy, and Dean realized he’d most likely been crying.

“Yeah, bacon cheeseburgers, your favorite,” Dean said. “Cas, I wanted to talk about earlier.”

“What about earlier?” Cas asked.

“I don’t think I said things right,” Dean said.

“I think you made yourself clear,” Cas said. “It’s okay.”

“Cas, you misunderstood me,” Dean said.

Cas frowned. “Then what did you mean?”

“I meant…” Dean froze. The words he’d been planning to say fled his mind, and he watched as Cas’s eyes started drifting down to the floor. Words, he sucked at. But actions... Actions he could do.

“I meant this,” Dean said before rushing forward and planting his lips against Cas’s. At first, Cas didn’t respond, but then he started desperately kissing back. It felt _incredible,_ better than all of his fantasies, and he wrapped his arms around Cas to pull him closer. The movement seemed to wake Cas up and he pushed Dean away.

“Stop,” Cas said, and Dean immediately stepped back. 

It felt like all of his blood drained out of his body. He was _such_ an idiot. How could he have ever allowed himself to think that Cas could want him back?

“I’m… sorry,” Dean said. “I thought you wanted…”

“I don’t want to just be some notch on your bedpost, Dean,” Cas said.

“What? No, Cas--”

“I’m not interested in sleeping with you just because you’re bored or I’m the only person available,” Cas said. “It would _kill_ me, Dean.”

“You think I only want you for sex?” Dean asked.

“You made your feelings perfectly clear earlier,” Cas said irritably. “We’re ’not even together.’”

“Well, we’re not!” Dean shouted. “That doesn’t mean it’s what I want.”

Cas’s eyes shot over to Dean’s. “Then what do you want?”

“You, Cas,” Dean answered. “I want you.”

“You want to be in a relationship with me?” Cas asked.

“Uh, yeah, _obviously_ ,” Dean said.

Cas shook his head. “It’s not obvious _at all_. Since when? Is this just because of Ben?”

“Because of Ben?” Dean questioned.

“Yes. Is this just ‘cause I’ve been helping you take care of your kid?” Cas asked.

“I’ve wanted you for years, Cas,” Dean answered. 

Cas furrowed his brow. “Years? How many years?”

“You’re the one who made me finally acknowledge I’m bisexual,” Dean told him.

“No, that doesn’t make sense,” Cas said.

“Uhh, yeah, I’m pretty sure I _vividly_ remember the fantasies that made me unable to continue lying to myself about my attraction to men,” Dean said.

Cas bit his lip and said, “No, no, no. I asked you. _I asked you._ ”

“You asked me what?” Dean asked.

“You came out to me, I held your hand and told you how proud of you I was, and then _I asked you_ if there were any guys you had feelings for,” Cas said. “And you said _no._ You said you just didn’t want to hide anymore.”

“I lied, Cas,” Dean said.

Cas glared at him. “ _Why did you lie?_ ”

“I didn’t want to be rejected!” Dean said loudly. “I didn’t want to lose you!”

“I wouldn’t have rejected you, you idiot!” Cas yelled back. “I’ve wanted you from the moment I first saw your stupid perfect face!”

“Oh,” Dean said.

Cas rolled his eyes. “I just had to fall in love with the most emotionally constipated moron that ever--”

“In love,” Dean repeated.

“With you, yes, _obviously,_ ” Cas said with a mocking emphasis on obviously.

“I love you too, Cas,” Dean said.

Cas smiled and pulled Dean closer. He gave Dean a lingering kiss, and then pulled back to whisper in his ear, “Just think, if you weren’t such a jackass, we could have been doing this for years.”

Dean wanted to object, but then Cas’s lips were on his again, and Dean no longer had any complaints with the world. That feeling was quickly dashed when Ben pushed a bowl off his high chair’s tray and started to laugh. Dean pulled away and rested his forehead against Cas’s. He pecked one more kiss against Cas’s lips and then pulled away to clean up Ben’s mess.

“Later,” Dean promised with a wink.

Cas’s face lit up with a wide, gummy smile. “ _Later._ ”

Dean picked up the bits of squash from the ground and wiped down the floor. He shot Ben an unimpressed look, trying to impress upon the baby the importance of not interrupting him when he was kissing Cas. Truthfully, though, it was probably good that the baby intervened before they got too far along in the middle of the kitchen with his son watching.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut incoming. Feel free to skip this chapter if you're just looking for plot.

Dean normally loved the bedtime routine. Baths were always hilarious with Ben playing with the rubber ducky, and he loved feeding Ben a night time bottle and then reading him a bedtime story before tucking him in. Sometimes Dean would even sing him a lullaby. 

That night, though, Dean really just wanted to rush through the whole thing. He had a decade’s worth of sexual tension to work out, and he was not thrilled about having to put it off just because he had to be a _responsible father._

When Ben _finally_ got tucked in, Dean grabbed the baby monitor and rushed as quickly as he could into Cas’s bedroom, where Cas was sitting on the bed, looking remarkably calm and reading a book called _Dark Money_. 

“You’d better put that book down,” Dean said to Cas, who smirked and grabbed the bookmark from the nightstand to mark his spot.

“Why, do you have some other plans for me tonight?” Cas asked.

Dean narrowed his eyes and stalked over to the bed. He was about to pounce on Cas, when suddenly he felt nervous and stopped.

“You want this, right?” Dean asked.

Cas pulled at Dean’s arm until he joined him on the bed. “Dean, I have never wanted anything more.”

Dean leaned over Cas until their lips met. The kiss was desperate, wet, and almost clumsy as their tongues battled for dominance. Cas placed his arms around Dean’s neck, pulling him in closer. Dean pulled away to catch his breath, and then drew Cas in for another kiss. This time, the kiss was gentler, sweet even, until Dean softly bit Cas’s bottom lip and then started trailing kisses down his neck and sucking marks into his skin.

“Clothing, off,” Cas said breathily, and Dean pulled at Cas’s shirt to help him take it off before taking off his own and then quickly getting out of their boxers and sweatpants. He was once again thankful for the quarantine wardrobe, because he wasn’t sure he could handle having to wait for anything to be unbuttoned or carefully put aside. 

Somehow, Cas was naked in front of him. And he looked…

“God, Cas, you’re so fucking gorgeous,” Dean said as he stared at Cas. His whole body was flushed with arousal, and Dean licked his lip at the sight of Cas’s reddened penis. “Wanted this for so long, so fucking long.”

“What did you want, Dean?” Cas said in a low voice as he trailed his fingers across Dean’s bare chest.

“Want everything, Cas,” Dean answered.

Cas positioned himself on top of Dean, and Dean gasped as their erections brushed together. Cas stared down at him with wide pupils and kiss-swollen lips, and Dean had never seen anything more arousing.

“Tell me what you dreamed about,” Cas whispered.

Dean gulped and said, “Dreamt about you...your mouth.”

“What about my mouth?” Cas asked as he began trailing kisses from Dean’s neck down to his chest.

“Dreamt about your mouth around my cock,” Dean answered with a hint of embarrassment. 

“Is that so?” Cas asked as he continued kissing his way down Dean’s abdomen. When he got to Dean’s cock, he licked a stripe up the underside and then swirled his tongue around the head before swallowing down as much of his cock as he could.

 _“Jesus Christ,_ ” Dean breathed out as he tangled his fingers into Cas’s messy hair. He involuntarily bucked up into Cas’s mouth as he bobbed up and down on his cock and massaged his balls with his hands. Dean could feel his arousal building, and he bit down on his lip. “I… I dreamt about your fingers too.”

Cas popped off his cock, and Dean whined at the loss. “What about my fingers?”

Dean flushed and spread his legs open. 

“You want me to fuck you, baby?” Cas asked and Dean nodded his head enthusiastically.

Cas sat up and rummaged around in the nightstand until he pulled out a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. He positioned himself over Dean again and pressed a kiss to the top of Dean’s cock before pouring some lube over his fingers and then pushing a single finger past Dean’s rim. Cas pumped his finger inside him, and Dean moaned when he found his prostate. Cas added a second finger and began scissoring him open. Dean clenched his fist around the bedsheet as Cas added a third finger.

After a couple minutes, Dean whined, “Cas, please, _I need you_.”

Cas removed his fingers and rolled a condom onto his cock. He held the base of his cock steady as he pushed it past Dean’s rim. The stretch was nearly overwhelming as Cas sank into him, and Cas pressed comforting kisses to his shoulders until Dean wiggled his hips to get him to move. Cas started thrusting, slowly at first, and then quicker and deeper until Dean started gasping and moaning at every thrust. 

“Cas, Cas, oh God, Cas,” Dean panted as Cas continued fucking him, hitting his prostate on every other thrust. Dean’s muscles started to tense and he gripped Cas’s shoulder tightly. “I’m close, baby.”

Cas whined and moved a hand down to Dean’s cock to pump him as he continued fucking into Dean. The combined feelings pushed Dean over the edge and his back arched as he came all over Cas’s fist and his stomach. 

“ _Dean,_ ” Cas whined, and then his mouth gaped open as he came inside him. Cas collapsed on top of him, and Dean took the moment to wrap his arms tightly around him and press kisses to his skin.

Reluctantly, Cas pulled out and tied the condom off. He grabbed some wet wipes from the nightstand and wiped off Dean’s stomach before cuddling back up against him. Dean ran his fingers through Cas’s sweaty hair and kissed his forehead.

“That was good for you too, right?" Cas asked self-consciously.

“Indescribably good,” Dean answered. 

“I love you so much, Dean,” Cas said. “ _So much._ ”

Dean kissed Cas again and said, “I love _you_. More than anything.”

Cas tightened his grip around Dean, and Dean ran his fingers soothingly up and down Cas’s back until they both fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	13. Chapter 13

It was a monday, so Cas had to work the next day, which was unfortunate because it messed with Dean’s plans to cuddle and fuck the whole day. Truthfully, though, Ben would have ruined those plans either way. Still, during Ben’s morning and afternoon naps, Cas took some ‘breaks’ from work for some quick blowjobs and handjobs. It was addictive and Dean could not recall ever feeling this horny before, but he supposed it made sense when you consider the decade’s worth of fantasies that led up to it. 

He honestly couldn’t believe this was actually happening. It felt like a dream. Cas _loved_ him. He was _in love with him._ He couldn’t stop smiling, and every time he’d look at Cas and see his own joy, their smiles would grow wider. He took every excuse he could to walk up to Cas and shower him in affection, even though he knew he was distracting him from work. Luckily, Cas didn’t really seem to mind. Even Ben seemed to pick up on his happiness and squealed happily and laughed when Dean picked him up and twirled him around. He loved hearing his son be happy, so he kept twirling him around over and over to hear him laugh again.

After Cas got off work, he joined Dean and Ben in the playpen and pecked Dean on the lips.

“Hey, handsome,” Dean said.

“Do you mind if I call Gabe and Anna and let them know? About us?” Cas asked.

Dean grinned. “Go for it. I already told Sam.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean again. “What did he say?”

“His main message was ‘took you long enough’ and ‘I told you so’, but he’s happy for us,” Dean said.

“It did take you long enough,” Cas said teasingly.

Dean pouted. “You know, you could have confessed your love at any point, too.”

“Hm, I _suppose_ ,” Cas said. 

“Baba agoogoo,” Ben said.

“That’s right, Ben,” Cas said, nodding his head. “Ben agrees with me that Dada should have realized I had feelings for him when I invited you two to come live with me.”

“Dadada,” Ben replied, followed by a squeal.

“See, he said Dada. I think that’s a clear sign he agrees with _me_ that Papa should have been more forthright,” Dean said.

Cas smiled. “Papa?”

Dean blushed. “Yeah, if you want.”

“I want,” Cas said, pulling Dean into a kiss. “Believe me, I want.”

Ben crawled away and plopped down on top of a stuffed puppy.

“Leaving his dads already,” Dean said with an exaggerated sigh.

“Baby rebellion,” Cas replied with a grin. “Okay, I’m going to call my siblings.”

Dean watched as Cas started a video chat with Gabe and Anna.

“Hi, Cas! Hi, Gabe!” Anna said. Belatedly, she added, “Hi, Dean.”

“Sup, little sis, little bro, little bro’s hunky friend, and little bro’s hunky friend’s baby?” Gabe asked.

“Dean and I have some news,” Cas said with a huge grin.

“Is Dean finally making an honest man out of you?” Gabe asked.

“I mean, we’re not married, but actually, kinda, yeah,” Cas said as he pecked a kiss to Dean’s cheek.

Anna raised both her eyebrows. “Fucking finally.”

“Did _everyone_ know we both had feelings for each other?” Dean asked.

“ _Yes_ ,” Gabe and Anna said in unison.

“To be fair, though, Dean, I thought you’d never get your head out of your ass enough to realize your feelings,” Anna said with a shrug.

“Anna,” Cas warned.

“What? I spent the last few weeks listening to you cry and go through guilt spirals as you tried to figure out whether Dean actually wanted you or not,” Anna replied.

“Guilt spirals?” Dean questioned.

“Yeah, Cas thought he was pressuring you or taking advantage of you or some bullshit,” Gabe said as he popped a chocolate into his mouth.

Dean frowned. “You did?”

“Kinda maybe,” Cas said. “I just… We were, uh, you know, getting more physically affectionate, and you didn’t know I had feelings for you. It seemed dishonest and unfair.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” Dean asked.

“I was scared, Dean. I thought you didn’t share my feelings, and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or risk having you and Ben leave,” Cas said.

Dean smirked. “Sounds familiar.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I think we can both agree that communication was not our strong suit,” Cas said.

“Did you call us just for this therapy session?” Gabe asked.

Cas rolled his eyes. “I just thought you’d want to know that we’re together now.”

“I am happy to hear the news, because the pining was very nearly unbearable. But Dean, I hope you know that if you do anything to hurt him, Cas has a gigantic fucking family and we _will_ kill you and make sure the body is never found,” Anna said.

Dean laughed. “Noted.”

Ben crawled back to them and sat down in front of them. Dean wrinkled his nose as he smelled that Ben needed a diaper change. He exchanged a look with Cas, who nodded.

“Hey there, little dude,” Gabe said, and Ben shrieked and pointed at Cas’s phone.

“Ben needs a diaper change,” Dean said as he picked up his son. He placed him in front of Cas’s phone and said, “Can you say bye bye to Aunt Anna and Uncle Gabe?” 

Ben babbled incomprehensibly, and Dean tried again, “Say bye bye, Ben.”

“Bye bye,” Ben repeated, and Dean beamed at him and kissed his head. 

“Okay, I’m going to change Ben. It was good talking to you guys,” Dean said.

Cas smiled at him and Dean was unable to resist pressing a short kiss to his lips. As he left, he could hear Gabe teasing Cas and he smiled. By the time Ben was freshly cleaned and changed into a ‘Storm Pooper’ onesie, Cas was off the phone with his siblings. 

“There’s your Papa,” Dean said as he passed Ben over to Cas.

Cas beamed at him and gave Ben a tight hug. For the first time, they really felt like a _family._


	14. Chapter 14

His euphoric happiness took a sudden nosedive when he got a text from Dorothy less than an hour later.

**[5:45 PM Dorothy]: Sorry for the late notice, but we need to cancel tonight’s Moondoor RPG. Charlie has a 103 degree fever and is having trouble breathing. I took her to the ER.**

Dean’s heart sunk. Truthfully, he had forgotten all about Moondoor. He’d forgotten all about _Charlie._

**[5:46 PM Dean]: is she ok? What are the doctors saying?**

**[5:47 PM Dorothy]: I don’t know. I wasn’t allowed to go into the ER with her.**

**[5:47 PM Dean]: are you ok?**

**[5:48 PM Dorothy]: not really.**

**[5:49 PM Dean]: let us know if there’s ANYTHING we can do.**

**[5:48 PM Dorothy]: I will.**

Dean knew that the sentiment was fairly empty. He couldn’t imagine how he’d feel if Cas was that sick and he couldn’t even be with him in the emergency room. Thinking of Charlie, alone, and sick, and scared...

Cas came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. “You okay, love?”

Dean shook his head and passed him the phone so he could read his texts with Dorothy. Dean watched as Cas’s face fell into concern.

“She’s strong, Dean. She’ll get through this,” Cas said.

Dean shrugged. “Lisa was strong too.”

Cas frowned. “Just because Lisa died doesn’t mean Charlie will. The virus isn’t a death sentence. Most people survive.”

“I know,” Dean said. “I just hate this fucking virus.”

Cas let out a short laugh. “Join the club, honey. Pretty sure the whole world is united in hating this fucking virus.”

“I don’t know how I’d get through this without you, Cas,” Dean said earnestly.

Cas took Dean’s hand and intertwined their fingers together. “Luckily for you, you don’t have to go through this or anything else without me. I’m here, baby. We’ll get through this.”

Dorothy was feeling too emotionally overwhelmed to reach out to everyone about Charlie’s condition, so Dean took up the emotional burden of contacting all of their mutual friends to let them know. That night, Charlie herself contacted him, and Dean had never been more grateful to receive a text.

**[9:35 PM Charlie]: hey bitch**

**[9:36 PM Dean]: charlie!!!! how are you feeling? are you out of the ER?**

**[9:37 PM Charlie]: Yes, but now I am in the ICU. They are giving me oxygen and monitoring my breathing.**

**[9:38 PM Dean]: please get better immediately**

**[9:38 PM Charlie]: I’ll do my best.**

**[9:39 PM Dean]: would it make you feel better to know you were right about cas?**

**[9:40 PM Charlie]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**[9:40 PM Charlie]: Are you finally together?!?!**

**[9:41 PM Dean]: yes, so you need to get better so you can see your otp together**

**[9:42 PM Charlie]: If the power of true gay love won’t get me through this, nothing will.**

Dean hoped that was true, and arranged for a box of baked goods to be sent from Gabe’s bakery to Dorothy and Charlie’s house so that it’d be there when she got home. There was nothing he could do from a distance, but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try.


	15. Chapter 15

Things got worse before they got better. Charlie’s condition soon deteriorated and she ended up on a ventilator. Dean had a panic attack when he heard the news; he remembered the way Angelina had talked about Lisa going on a ventilator and never coming off of it.

Unlike Lisa, though, Charlie was taken off the ventilator after about a week. She spent another couple days in the ICU, receiving oxygen 24/7 and needing nurses to help her with the simplest tasks while she recovered. After being moved out of the ICU, she finally was able to start eating solid food again, and Dean and Cas had food delivered for her so she’d have something to eat that wasn’t hospital food for at least one meal. A couple days later, she was able to go home. Dorothy celebrated her return by doing a brief Zoom party with all of them. Charlie still seemed very tired, but thrilled to be back home. The party didn’t last for more than ten minutes, but being able to see her did a lot to soothe Dean’s nerves.

Through it all, his relationship with Cas grew stronger. They comforted each other through the heartache and the fear, and they finally had the conversations they’d needed to have for years. Dean moved into Cas’s room, and their nights were spent exploring each other’s bodies.

Dean didn’t know if it was because they’d been in love for so long, or if it was due to the quarantine making them be together 24/7, or if it was just because it was Cas, but within just a month of officially being in a relationship with Cas, Dean knew that Cas was his forever. 

As he watched Cas play with Ben, and saw Ben’s clear adoration for Cas, Dean felt angry with himself for ever being jealous of their relationship. How could he ever blame Ben for loving Cas? It was impossible  _ not _ to love Cas.

And maybe it helped that Ben started to love him, too. Dean felt a definite rush of excitement every time Ben said dada, and he seemed to even start associating the word with him.

Raising a baby in quarantine was hard. There was no escape, and the baby required more diapers, baby food, and clothing than Dean would have ever thought was possible for such a small little guy. But watching Ben grow up was one of the most rewarding things in his life.

Dean had never had a normal family. His mother died when he was four and Sam was a baby. His father was neglectful at best, abusive at worst, until he finally died of liver cancer. His family had always just been him and Sam, and Dean had to admit that he’d been slightly resentful when Sam had decided to move out to live with Jess. He’d felt abandoned, even though he knew that Sam had to grow up and leave at some point. 

But now… He had his own little family.

And it was perfect. 

Even if it was built in the wreckage of a pandemic.


End file.
